Change is processed in steps. I would argue that it is similar to grief that way. Or maybe grief is an integral part of change. We must grieve what was in order to accept and move forward in what is.

We sold my son’s piano today. It wasn’t a big deal…until it was. When that wall of my dining room was opened up and empty, it was further proof that he is no longer home. He has moved on. I keep feeling I should be over this by now, but I am extending grace to myself because I didn’t have the chance to really grieve it last year. Being shot shattered my ability to process much of anything for a long time. Now, the heavy weight of grief in my chest from all I have lost the past few years has returned. It is still there, still wanting to be processed.

I have so many plans for changing the house that I am excited about. But I keep finding myself held back by sadness over what is no longer there. I am caught between how things were and what the house could be. For now, I choose to be kind to myself and allow my heart to feel what it must so that I can move forward in peace and hope rather than shoving down uncomfortable feelings and making myself do something I’m not quite ready to do.