How do I recover in isolation? The purpose of joining a recovery program is to realize that I’m not alone. That there is a community of others with similar experiences, hurts, and habits who help me have the courage and hope to keep pressing on. How do I do that during a pandemic?
Celebrate Recovery has been fantastic! We have daily videos from the national team available on YouTube. Our local CR group posts a large group video every week. Now, even small groups have the ability to meet online in a way that still protects anonymity and confidentiality. We are blessed to live in a time where we have such unfettered access through media to things that are helpful. I am so incredibly thankful for the opportunities and connections that we do have available.
If I am completely honest, however, even the abundance of resources we do have doesn’t feel like enough. In our first small group meeting online, I could not contain the tears that overflowed from just being able to see the faces of these sisters who have come to mean so much to me. And I am struggling with the lack of physical connection. I am a hugger. I thought that was just part of my personality, but I am finding it to be an emotional need. This physical isolation feels like I am wasting away and something vital to my health and state of mind is missing. I took for granted the number of hugs I received on a weekly basis, and now I am aching at their absence.
I am also struggling to find the drive to do anything other than just hide until this all goes away. By hide, I literally mean retreat back into denial and try to pretend that none of this is happening. Is this a great time to grow closer to Father and focus on growing in my knowledge and capacity? Sure, I see that. But I am at a loss as to what steps to take in order to actually do that when I feel completely lost and empty. Two years this month I have been in recovery, and I have not felt the temptation to go back as strong in all that time as I have the last two weeks. I was hoping to be celebrating this month. Instead,I find myself hanging on with everything I have because I don’t want to lose all I have worked so hard for.